We went to the Beverly Hills Courthouse and the whole ceremony lasted about 10 minutes.

I don’t remember any our vows.

But I’m pretty sure I promised to love you forever.

Which is all that matters.

Well that, and that I didn’t look like a fat cinderella

in my $50 dress,

Santee Alley shoes,

and perfect ring.

Love is all that matters

and friends

and family

your giant family

and our little one.

Photos by Alexandra Kacha at Alexandra Kacha Photography
Flowers by Sarah Lineberger at Hand and Rose

The post Love you forever first appeared on JOEY NG.

So much is shit right now let’s just focus on something gr8.

These 2 m8s got married.

They knew

the moment he saw her

and smelled each other’s butts

that they’d be m8s for life.

And that first comes love

then comes marriage

then practice making babies and if that doesn’t happen right away don’t be discouraged.

Just remember to have a laugh

slow dance

eat cake

more cake

and doncha forget champagne

or she won’t let you touch that booty.

and to love each other, immensely.

The post M8S first appeared on JOEY NG.

Happy 30th Birthday to the coolest motherfucker I know.

The post Always talk to the hot guy at the bar first appeared on JOEY NG.

I started wearing my wedding band again. To remind myself that I’m stronger than I feel. I recently interviewed Amy Jo Martin, who wore red nail polish every day for 5 years as a confidence trigger whenever she felt unworthy.

This is my wedding band. It’s an ouroboros. Eternal chaos and renewal. My physician told me that my life has been series of crises, one after the other. He referred me to a crisis therapist, but I never called. Because I never feel stressed or sad unless it involves a broken heart.

Otherwise, I’m stronger than I feel.

In our time of shiny happy social media feeds, I figured I’d try to review my year in earnest and show you all of the darker periods and how it’s ok. How I’m doing ok and whatever shit you’re going through – that too shall pass.

THE CRISES

Divorce

This was the year that my divorce was final. And although I haven’t spoken to Chris since I filed a restraining order against him, it marked a real sense of closure. I don’t talk about this often, as it is a particularly painful story – but it is over. The important lessons are to always put your personal safety first and never let a broken person, break you.

This was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to overcome, which is why I’ve chosen the ring as my talisman for courage.

My boss, the CEO of American Apparel, Dov Charney gets booted from the company he founded

This has been covered extensively in the news. And while it may be fun schadenfreude fodder for those who have participated in the culture of American Apparel in some way for the past decade, this had very real and difficult ramifications in my life.

While I had been living out of a suitcase since 2009, I was accustomed to the organised chaos and rhythm in which we ran the company. I’d written about my thoughts on this here. There was an extremely high level of uncertainty and instability.

When you’ve dedicated most of the waking hours of your adult life to working there as I had, it often feels like your career is all you have. Some malevolent force was fucking with the one constant, my every day, my foundation, my family.

I was fired

After 7 years of tenure, I was fired from both of my positions at American Apparel as Marketing Director and Retail Director of our Australian subsidiary. Under new management and within 2 weeks of a new supervisor – I encountered hostile bullying and discrimination, filed an HR complaint, 48 hours later I was out of a job, my US work visa, and $40,000 worth of unpaid bonuses.

This didn’t stop them from taking credit for positive work that myself and my colleagues were responsible for, after throwing us out the door.

American Apparel has filed for bankruptcy which make my shares worthless and legal claims effectively frozen. But bad situations give us the best ideas, my views changed in ways I never thought they would.

When cash is scarce, you figure out what your life essentials are. In things, in people, in beliefs. This means that I no longer put up with a lot of bullshit out of loyalty, obligation, or mercenary reasons.

My dog died

Miss you, Albert Einstein. You were a great physicist.

THE CURES

Now, remember how I said it’ll be alright? I had a destabilising year, but the pros always outweighed the cons and I thank Based God for the generosity of all the people in my life. Here’s what kept me afloat.

Great Sex

Incredible sex will change your life. Let’s not discredit how something so basic can alter your entire mood. I thought I was doing alright in this arena until I was dumbfounded by a specific experience. I asked my partner at the time how he became the best I’d ever had. For someone who never says much, his response was sweet and profound.

“It’s not me, it’s us. It’s about two people connecting, and we’re just very connected.”

Imagine going your entire life having never been vulnerable enough to share that kind of connection with someone.

Sometimes you have to love like you have nothing to lose.
And who knows? Your entire universe might expand in a moment of surrender.

Female Friends

No relationship is stronger than that of a female bond. I wholeheartedly believe this. I just broke up with someone I really, really, really liked. For every time I’ve been in a tailspin, the unconditional support and humour from my friends and sisters have always brought me back to some semblance of sanity.

Women confide in each other and listen, really listen and care. It’s a type of intimacy that may never be achieved through romantic relationships. For romance to work, there has to be some suspension of belief and female friendships are as real as they get. Ugly cries, guilty admissions, secret slobby behaviours, and mental hospitalization levels of cray are all safe territory in the context of BFFs.

Love you, bitches.

Home

I’d never been to Europe before, and this year I made it a priority to get to Paris. It wasn’t all that.

My favourite moments were centered on one-on-one time spent in my air bnb with some very special dear-to-my-heart dudes.

Hot showers shared, home made breakfasts, listening to lesser-known Bieber tracks. It made me miss home.
Home being a person, and not a place.

Here’s to you, my people.

Happy New Year.
With love,

your girl.

The post All I Wanna Say Is It’ll Be Alright first appeared on JOEY NG.

This was Magnus’ first time eating in-n-out.

They say it’s quality you can taste.

But the name makes me just as sad as a sad boy.

Cuz once you’ve had a taste
of the best
how do you live
without it?

The post In, then out first appeared on JOEY NG.

It’s a completely different festival, backstage. You forget that there are 65,000 people out there when you only see a dozen of your friends inside an air-conditioned trailer park. Most of them utterly exhausted from festival after flight after festival. The hardest part is the waiting and the watching someone you care about on the brink of collapse, pulling themselves together because their job is to make a sea of strangers happy. That somehow when you haven’t any, the energy must be brought to a pounding pitch.

So you drink as much as you can find, smoke as much as you feel alright about missing a set

and try to find some sanity amongst it all.

Which is hugging your mates from different states and shores.

Getting silly with the sponsored marketing ploys and remembering to enjoy
what you came here for

the music (duh)

and the booty.

The post Hard, Hard Summer first appeared on JOEY NG.

Let him into your heart

and you won’t be so sad, boys.

The post Free Cashmere Cat first appeared on JOEY NG.

While I was at Morty’s place, his lovely friend, Brynn, came by and asked us to take part in a project where we’d get our photos taken and answer a bunch of questions as single people to let other single people know that it’s completely ok to be single.

IT’S OK TO BE SINGLE! Did you know?
Morty and I totally did not make any jokes about us being unmarriageble and definitely not any about being forever alone. [yes we did.]

Anyhoo, I eventually found out the project was intended as content marketing for a clothing company that I couldn’t co-sign with but nonetheless, here are my answers.

Read on if you want to know what it might take to get me to co-sign to your lifestyle brand life.

What are you looking for in a romantic partner?

David Letterman. A David Letterman that is also a massive fan of Drake.

How important is being in a relationship to you?

Out of 100, negative correlation to degrees fahrenheit.

What’s your favorite ice breaker (not pick-up line)?

Sliding into my DMs.

Have you ever had a “meet cute”?

Yes. Pretty much the same meet cute, which has happened twice.

What’s the best real-life “meet cute” you can recall?

I saw a hot guy during brunch a few tables away and thought nothing more of it. That night at a bar in the neighbourhood, I walked up to order drinks and he was the bartender. When he left at the end of his shift, he walked behind me and pulled on my hair – elementary school style – the rest is history.

Same thing happened more recently. Intimidatingly attractive guy spotted from afar at brunch. Saw him at a bar later that same day. I knew I just HAD to find an opportunity – and the balls – to talk to him. I’m so so so happy I did.

Tell me about your best/ideal date:

Best:
Waking up to a perfect, sunny Easter Sunday at Rick Rubin’s Malibu Ranch, eating Eggs Benny in the garden outside Bob Dylan’s old tour bus, then driving out to the beach listening to old Soul. Sprinkle in lots of booze, making out, and sex throughout the day. That’s a bit of name-dropping but I’d never been anywhere so tranquil, so imbued with history from musical legends that I adore with a man I loved even more.

Ideal:
Seeing a Drake concert where Louis CK is the special guest. With David Letterman. David Letterman holds my hand. Drake serenades me. Louis CK and I wander off into the dawn and discover eugenic methods whereby I can still have his ginger babies even though I’m Asian.

What do you most value in a friend?

The ability to tolerate me at my worst and never, ever, ever leaving our friendship despite me being the worst person ever. Thanks, friends!

What do you most value in a romantic partner?

Magic at kissing.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Smiling at puppies. Puppies smile back.

Which living person do you most admire?

My very own Tiger Mom.

What is the quality you like most in a man/woman?

Extraordinary talent in his chosen field of interest.

What is the quality you like least in a man/woman?

Substance addiction.

When and where were you happiest?

Giggling in bed with my best friend as we took selfles impersonating the dreadful faces that babies have in Renaissance paintings. see: http://www.buzzfeed.com/hannahjewell/renaissance-babies-who-cant-even

Photo credit: Brynn Campbell

The post If you wanna be my lover first appeared on JOEY NG.

Why does it have to be so scary

especially when it means growing attached to someone else

heavy the heart that feels responsible for another

for their joy
and their misery
and every emotion in between

how do you know if this is it

what if something better comes along

why do we always assume
something better will come along

what if it doesn’t

what if

what if i’m the best you’ll ever have

it should be so simple, really
just put your hand on your heart

and ask yourself

do you want me now

and will you still love me
tomorrow?

The post Commitment first appeared on JOEY NG.

I don’t want a fucking coffee
you should know by now that I don’t drink it anyway
You know me better than this

I don’t need you to fix
anything

I want your bloody forsaken heart
I want your face between my legs
I want your tears before a closed door

I want
I want
I want
I want
I want
I want
I want

you to

touch me
and do it again.

The post Distill first appeared on JOEY NG.