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You Don’t Have a Soulmate
and Neither Do I

by Chris Reed
[A guest post]

Put the kleenex down and stop freaking out. This isn’t about Mr. or Ms. Right versus Mr. or Ms. Right-Now. This isn’t about being in a relationship or being single, neither is it about polygamy or monogamy, nor anything so tightly defined. This is about how there is no “The One” for me or you, and about how that is okay.

I live in New York, the most populous city in North America, I’m straight, and I’m 25. That leaves less than 0.5% of the world’s population to sample when looking for my soulmate, who – if she exists – is probably in India or China, and we will most likely never meet.

Kleenex down! This is a good thing! Free from the pressure of finding a perfect mate who fulfills your every desire and never fucks it up ever, you can seek alternatives to the old models that breed resentment and result in failure.

Entering a relationship knowing that it’ll eventually end doesn’t mean I don’t get lost in my partner. It doesn’t mean that we don’t have a great time. It doesn’t mean that we don’t have great sex; that we don’t make each other better people; that it doesn’t hurt when it ends. What it means is that there is no one experience worth forfeiting all other experiences. It is an admission that as we grow and change as people, our desires grow and change and that drifting apart is as natural as coming together.

Love no longer has to be Kerouac’s “long sad tale ending in graves” but a series of informed encounters that are structured to be conducive to you and your partner(s) needs. Remember this as you spend the rest of your life with The Only One – yourself.

This entry was written by Joey, posted on July 11, 2012 at 10:02 am, filed under Chris Reed, Love, New York, Photos, Writing and tagged , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Tell-all Tuesdays
If he wanted to, he would.

You ask, I tell. Best questions get posted on Tuesdays.

Your so bloody hot…why don’t you have a boyfriend?
I’m no good at men.

I don’t expect men to consider me for anything more than just sex and so the self-fulfilling prophecy plays its inevitable part and hands me exactly what I expect.

I’m too cool, too detached to start off.

I don’t call when I want to, I don’t reveal much about myself and certainly not how I feel about the person I’m dating.

Once I decide I actually want someone to be my boyfriend I become too intense, too insecure, too jealous, too obsessive. Too much of everything.

(Now that I’ve admitted this, I’ll NEVER have a boyfriend!)

Because of the nature of my job, I’m always running away.

No boy has ever asked me to stay. 

Maybe that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend?

Or maybe not.

Why do you think?

What’s the deal with women or your age? Is it all about being desired? Is that it? You just want people to pine and be all doe-eyed over you and then your “not attracted” to someone who is genuinely interested, because its not thrilling. Its BS.
What’s the deal with women any age?

What’s the deal with MEN any age?

Doesn’t EVERYONE want to be desired?

Doesn’t everyone like the thrill of finding someone where there is MUTUAL ATTRACTION?

Ay, there’s the rub. Women my age, and of any age do want to be desired. YES, they want someone who is genuinely interested. Just like you do. 

It is BS that not everyone can be genuinely interested in everyone who is genuinely interested in them. That’s why it’s so magical when it works out.

Why do you always get involved with assholes and douche bags when nice guys are always near?
Here’s the thing about attraction, it happens instantly. Before you get to know a person and I mean really get to know them, attraction brings you together. How much can you get to know a guy in a few weeks? Probably not a lot, but lately, that’s all the time I have with someone. If they end up being an asshole or a douche bag, my involvement with them also tends to end. Then you get to hear about it because it’s juicy.

I’ve dated nice guys. I like nice guys.

Nice guys don’t get write ups. Except for in secret blogs. 
The problem is that I am nowhere near them anymore. Even when I want to be.

if you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?
I just want to live where I’m in love. I don’t know where that place is yet, which may as well be seeing as I lead a nomadic life.

What is the best part of your life?
I have the greatest friends. Knowing that the most tolerant, intelligent, beautiful people I know are only a phone call, text, e-mail away be they in Hong Kong, Toronto, LA or the UK is the best part of my life. (I know, right?)

If you could go back in time 10 years and give your younger self one sentence of relationship advice, what would you say?
Be patient, if he wanted to, he would.

Have a question for me? Ask away here.

This entry was written by Joey, posted on June 8, 2010 at 8:59 pm, filed under Friends, Love, Self-diagnoses, Sex, Tell-all Tuesdays and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.