JOEY NG e-mail
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Will you still love me, tomorrow?

On intimacy

Sex is easy, it’s everything else that’s hard. The paradigm has shifted and sex isn’t love anymore. I find that all the supposed pre-cursors that we skip for the sake of non-commitment are what have become taboo.

Sleeping next to someone is difficult. You never really do. It begins to feel like a timed game with too many variables. Obligatory, almost. And you can’t sleep with a giant pea wedged in your consciousness. Unless you’re really drunk.

The most intimate moment I can recently recall was when a man kissed me on the forehead, ever so lightly when he thought I was asleep. It was the sweetest thing anyone had done for me in the past 3 years and we were barely lucid.

I feel violated by the simplest of touches. Fingertips on shoulders, hair being played with, hands on smalls of back. But you could hit me, throw me around, bruise me from the inside out and it would all be fair game on familiar ground. Pretty backwards, eh?

And you know what makes me nervous? Holding a man’s hand. It’s fucking unnerving.
I can’t do it. Not without fear.

And you think you’re shy?

This entry was written by Joey, posted on May 20, 2010 at 6:12 am, filed under Love, Self-diagnoses, Sex. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

Timeline

  • Carol S. Kim

    Dear Jo.So.Fine.
    Love the pics. Love the words.
    Your Sister when it comes to Alpha and Misters.
    <3
    Better luck to ourselves in the future – and perhaps if we love ourselves enough – we can accept love from a non-douchebag….
    til then – let the funventures continue!! Xx

  • http://etorre.blogspot.com Lindsay

    I second this. I somewhat accidentally slept with my friend a few weeks ago for the 100th time and as I was passing out he brushed the hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear. It freaked me out beyond belief and I still can't bring myself to talk to him. Weird.

  • joeyng

    I think the response has been habituated and not about wanting to accept more.

  • joeyng

    You'd think that by the 100th time it'd be ok to show a little affection without a knee jerk reaction…

  • Pete

    LOL………How do you “accidentally” sleep with your friend for the 100th time?

  • http://raymitheminx.com raymi

    i love this

  • joeyng

    Thank you.

  • http://nutellacube.blogspot.com jenny

    re: raymi's comment. i love this too.

  • http://nutellacube.blogspot.com jenny

    re: raymi's comment. i love this too.