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ask me anything
Will you still love me, tomorrow?

Husband

I just want to trap
someone
into
spending time with me

Order two
desserts
cuz what’s mine is yours and yours is mine

Honey
Cupcake
Sugar
Sweetie Pie

This entry was written by Joey, posted on October 29, 2011 at 3:14 am, filed under Food, Jokes, Writing and tagged , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

To all my friends on Stickam

Sometimes I feel like I have no friends. Like when they desert me to do better things with their lives (I’m projecting here, duh).
Then I remember that they’re all just globe-trotting, ass-kicking, cool as shit em-effers.

And only a skype or ichat click away.

Seoul, San Francisco, Vancouver, Los Angeles loves.

I’ve just realised that I’m only friends with really white people and sharks.

You’ve just realised that I take screenshots of video chats like a creepy nutso-n-so.

I just miss you, is all.

This entry was written by Joey, posted on April 13, 2011 at 12:36 am, filed under Friends, Jokes and tagged , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

This is what you have to do to figure out if he really likes you –



NOTHING.

I struggle with this.

I’ve always gone after what I wanted.
In the end, I wasn’t
what they did. Not really.

This entry was written by Joey, posted on January 31, 2011 at 1:42 am, filed under Jokes, Writing. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

This is a man’s world

But it would be nothing, nothing, without a woman or girl

pissing in your urinals

cuz everything you can do

I can do better

SUP.

This entry was written by Joey, posted on January 26, 2011 at 10:00 pm, filed under Friends, Funny, Jokes, New York and tagged , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Number 2 please

When I fall in love and subsequently fuck it right up, I go looking for the exact same things in other men.

Like height
hair colour
bassists
funniness
birthdaystarsigns

It’s like ordering the same combo meal from McDonald’s. Time after time.
And regretting it
later.

This entry was written by Joey, posted on November 27, 2010 at 12:25 am, filed under Jokes, Love, Writing. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Expiry dating

Let me tell you about travelling. It’s lonely.

To be ready, jet-set at the drop of an Expedia confirmation may seem like a cool job, and if I have to think about it, it really is. But ask me how I feel and I’ll tell you that “I don’t know, I don’t have the time to consider these things” because it’s easier to pretend that too much is going on in my life than to admit that I am completely, emotionally wrung dry.

You basically take your usual hipster non-committal nonchalance and put a giant, erratic, ticking clock on every relationship (romantic or otherwise), multiplying any sense of isolation ten-fold.

I meet someone. And I have to declare:

“There’s only one thing you need to know about me. And that is.
I will leave you
– unwillingly.”

Which usually lends to the other person behaving in one or two ways:

1. Like a total dick. The I can do whatever the fuck I want with you. It doesn’t matter. You’re leaving anyway.

or

2. In fear of attachment. Making it known that I’m not going to emotionally invest in you. Cold and infrequent.

They both suck.

When you operate every day knowing that someone you’ll grow to care for and like is actively suppressing your significance in their life, it FUCKING SUCKS.

When you relate to people knowing that you are merely transient, not important in their grand scheme of things, well, it essentially nulls the point of relating at all.

It makes me feel like shit.

So you have a good cry and chalk it up to the experience, the situation, the occupational hazard and move on to the next city.
And then you have to do it AGAIN.

So for people to assume that I’m always running away from something, taking the easy way out, that it’s always easier to leave than to be left behind… no.
It’s not that. Ultimately, I do have a choice.
It’s just that no-one has given me a reason to stay.
Not even tried.

This entry was written by Joey, posted on September 11, 2010 at 4:45 am, filed under Babes, Friends, Jokes, Love, Self-diagnoses, Sex, Writing. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

I’m homeless

No, really.
My mailing address is of a factory in downtown LA.
I don’t live there, although metaphysically, I might as well. I often wonder if people assume it’s just the 747th house on the street.

All that I have, I can fit inside a suitcase and a stag bag.
And the only thing I’m tethered to is a wireless broadband card.

This entry was written by Joey, posted on August 27, 2010 at 6:36 pm, filed under Jokes. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

“Joey I borrowed your purse!” it read

One day she’s wearing Tevas painting the word “PEACE” on the sidewalk with mud on pixie sticks at Camp Nanaimobar
And the next you realise you’ve just creamed it to a minor muttering “your shoes are off-brand” on the corner of Queen St. and
Fat-fuckin-chance-buddy

Note: Ontario has a mental health issue

Photo manipulated and jacked from Sam’s iPhone uploads on facebook
P.S. Holy hell do I miss you, Sam!!

This entry was written by Joey, posted on May 20, 2010 at 2:31 am, filed under Babes, Friends, Jokes, Photos, Toronto and tagged , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Another boy,
a different record;
same sad song
and sojourn.

This entry was written by Joey, posted on April 27, 2010 at 6:57 pm, filed under Jokes and tagged . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

52 lbs.

“You’re going to have to take two pounds out of your luggage, ma’am.”
“I’m about fifty pounds lighter than everyone else getting on this plane.”

I proceeded straight to the gate.

This entry was written by Joey, posted on March 31, 2010 at 4:04 am, filed under Jokes. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

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