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Will you still love me, tomorrow?

Hallowhatever

This is me at three. You know I am three because you can tell by the number of fingers I am holding up and I have always been a fan of talking in numbers.

Anyway, it was Halloween and you can’t tell what my costume is because it’s a shit costume.

Being immigrants – and if you don’t already know, immigrant parents give zero fucks about your bullshit-made-for-drugstore-sale holidays – the story I’ve retained in my head was that my Asian mother forgot about Halloween. We get to school and everyone is in a costume and I can’t be the only kid not in a costume. We jump back into the Ford Taurus and my mum sews leaves and patches on to my clothes. Rubs dirt on my face et voila! I am a bum for Halloween. I am three and I am a bum for Halloween. My mother dressed me up as a homeless person and she thought it was hilarious because she gives zero fucks about Halloween.

I, on the other hand, am three and I am fucking devastated and humiliated.
You can tell because in this picture I am clearly the only child without a ‘real’ costume and I am not smiling.

I got over it.

It doesn’t matter that I was strange and upset because in the end, I triumphed. I don’t know what happened to almost all of the others kids in that class but I also don’t care because we can betcher bottom dollar that I WIN.

It’s been a while since anyone’s talked about Tiger Moms, but every day I am reminded that I am a product of a Tiger Mom and as a result, totally a Tiger Mom myself. This is related to the rest of the post insofar as I believe that you need to focus on what matters (personal success) and what doesn’t (being dealt a bad circumstance).

Some moms don’t subscribe to Halloween. They might make you feel like shit from time to time.

The important thing is if they direct you to your highest potential.
That they teach you when you get knocked down by anyone, anything, or any occasion to get the fuck back up.
So if you have to cry, go outside for this is not the place, and I am not the kind of person you should be going to.
I am the kind of person who will tell you to go home, get that dirt off yo face, try harder, and win at life.

Happy Halloween!

(From my Asian mother’s facebook timeline, because all of a sudden, Halloween’s a thing she does now.
I guess I’ll ease up when I’m older.)

This entry was written by Joey, posted on October 31, 2012 at 9:19 am, filed under Funny, Joey Ng, Self-diagnoses, Writing and tagged , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Toss

The best part of throwing my wedding bouquet to only Leanne was

how pissed it made every other girl. Too funny, sorry Maria.

But she deserved it! A huge thank you to Leanne and The Cardinal for all the amazing food.
Everyone loved the fried chicken!

Bouquet gifted by Chrysanthemum: Rare Teas & Flowers.

This entry was written by Joey, posted on October 17, 2012 at 7:32 pm, filed under Friends, Funny, Joey Ng, New York, Photos and tagged , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Dorks vs. Boners

This entry was written by Joey, posted on June 19, 2011 at 10:11 pm, filed under Funny, Photos. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Boom Boom Room
-mates

Marissa’s left me for LA. I’m so lonesome I could cry.
I’m just going to sit here and look at photos of us together. Having fun together.
In New York City.
At the Boom Boom Room.
Together.

Maybe now I’ll go through my Netflix instant play queue and watch all the videos she’s played on my account.
Just to feel closer to her.

Ease the pain.

Tomorrow I’ll go to the department store. Ask for a sample of Tom Ford’s Black Orchid.
Spray it into my blankie.
And smother myself in her scent.
Die content.

This entry was written by Joey, posted on April 12, 2011 at 12:15 am, filed under Friends, Funny, New York and tagged , , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

This is a man’s world

But it would be nothing, nothing, without a woman or girl

pissing in your urinals

cuz everything you can do

I can do better

SUP.

This entry was written by Joey, posted on January 26, 2011 at 10:00 pm, filed under Friends, Funny, Jokes, New York and tagged , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Swag

This entry was written by Joey, posted on January 3, 2011 at 3:13 pm, filed under Friends, Funny, New York, Photos and tagged , , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

I just want a man who understands

PUSSY IS BETTER THAN HAMBURGER.

This entry was written by Joey, posted on July 31, 2010 at 4:21 am, filed under Funny, Photos and tagged , , , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Craig and I locked wide eyes ESP’ing to each other: “Who is this piece of gorgeous and can I keep it please, Mommy, please?”.

I shook his hand, he held it. Apparently I knew this man. Apparently, I had fed him scotch on Halloween. Tiny bottle of Macallan twelve. Now I remember – he was dressed as a mummy, a toilet-paper-something-or-other. How could I have possibly known he was this dreamy underneath it all?

He took off his jeans, put a new pair on and left. Left me flustered.

He, Mike Billington, draws, paints and makes me laugh.



He has a book which you can purchase at Art Metropole.
And below, you’ll find more reasons why I find him adorable.

Mike Billington
Official Website: http://www.mikebillington.com
Blog [drawings]: http://igotuptoday.blogspot.com
Tumblr [paintings]: http://mikebillington.tumblr.com

This entry was written by Joey, posted on March 27, 2010 at 2:30 pm, filed under Art, Books, Friends, Funny and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.