I started wearing my wedding band again. To remind myself that I’m stronger than I feel. I recently interviewed Amy Jo Martin, who wore red nail polish every day for 5 years as a confidence trigger whenever she felt unworthy.
This is my wedding band. It’s an ouroboros. Eternal chaos and renewal. My physician told me that my life has been series of crises, one after the other. He referred me to a crisis therapist, but I never called. Because I never feel stressed or sad unless it involves a broken heart.
Otherwise, I’m stronger than I feel.
In our time of shiny happy social media feeds, I figured I’d try to review my year in earnest and show you all of the darker periods and how it’s ok. How I’m doing ok and whatever shit you’re going through – that too shall pass.
This was the year that my divorce was final. And although I haven’t spoken to Chris since I filed a restraining order against him, it marked a real sense of closure. I don’t talk about this often, as it is a particularly painful story – but it is over. The important lessons are to always put your personal safety first and never let a broken person, break you.
This was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to overcome, which is why I’ve chosen the ring as my talisman for courage.
My boss, the CEO of American Apparel, Dov Charney gets booted from the company he founded
This has been covered extensively in the news. And while it may be fun schadenfreude fodder for those who have participated in the culture of American Apparel in some way for the past decade, this had very real and difficult ramifications in my life.
While I had been living out of a suitcase since 2009, I was accustomed to the organised chaos and rhythm in which we ran the company. I’d written about my thoughts on this here. There was an extremely high level of uncertainty and instability.
When you’ve dedicated most of the waking hours of your adult life to working there as I had, it often feels like your career is all you have. Some malevolent force was fucking with the one constant, my every day, my foundation, my family.
I was fired
After 7 years of tenure, I was fired from both of my positions at American Apparel as Marketing Director and Retail Director of our Australian subsidiary. Under new management and within 2 weeks of a new supervisor – I encountered hostile bullying and discrimination, filed an HR complaint, 48 hours later I was out of a job, my US work visa, and $40,000 worth of unpaid bonuses.
This didn’t stop them from taking credit for positive work that myself and my colleagues were responsible for, after throwing us out the door.
American Apparel has filed for bankruptcy which make my shares worthless and legal claims effectively frozen. But bad situations give us the best ideas, my views changed in ways I never thought they would.
When cash is scarce, you figure out what your life essentials are. In things, in people, in beliefs. This means that I no longer put up with a lot of bullshit out of loyalty, obligation, or mercenary reasons.
My dog died
Miss you, Albert Einstein. You were a great physicist.
Now, remember how I said it’ll be alright? I had a destabilising year, but the pros always outweighed the cons and I thank Based God for the generosity of all the people in my life. Here’s what kept me afloat.
Incredible sex will change your life. Let’s not discredit how something so basic can alter your entire mood. I thought I was doing alright in this arena until I was dumbfounded by a specific experience. I asked my partner at the time how he became the best I’d ever had. For someone who never says much, his response was sweet and profound.
“It’s not me, it’s us. It’s about two people connecting, and we’re just very connected.”
Imagine going your entire life having never been vulnerable enough to share that kind of connection with someone.
Sometimes you have to love like you have nothing to lose.
And who knows? Your entire universe might expand in a moment of surrender.
No relationship is stronger than that of a female bond. I wholeheartedly believe this. I just broke up with someone I really, really, really liked. For every time I’ve been in a tailspin, the unconditional support and humour from my friends and sisters have always brought me back to some semblance of sanity.
Women confide in each other and listen, really listen and care. It’s a type of intimacy that may never be achieved through romantic relationships. For romance to work, there has to be some suspension of belief and female friendships are as real as they get. Ugly cries, guilty admissions, secret slobby behaviours, and mental hospitalization levels of cray are all safe territory in the context of BFFs.
Love you, bitches.
I’d never been to Europe before, and this year I made it a priority to get to Paris. It wasn’t all that.
My favourite moments were centered on one-on-one time spent in my air bnb with some very special dear-to-my-heart dudes.
Hot showers shared, home made breakfasts, listening to lesser-known Bieber tracks. It made me miss home.
Home being a person, and not a place.
Here’s to you, my people.
Happy New Year.
This entry was written by Friends, Joey Ng, Los Angeles, Love, New York, Sex, Writing and tagged Albert Einstein, American Apparel, Amy Jo Martin, Divorce, DJ Slow, Dog, Dov Charney, DTLA, Echo Park, Endless Love Ring, Ilirjana Aлусхај, Kiara Sayer, Lena Vanderford, Lower East Side, Marie McNally, Marketing Director, MTV, Nora Kogan, Paris, Penelope Trunk, Refinery29, Silverlake, Social Media, Susie G, Thina Desancic, Thomas Duval, Tiffany Tyson. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink., posted on December 31, 2015 at 5:09 pm, filed under
It’s a completely different festival, backstage. You forget that there are 65,000 people out there when you only see a dozen of your friends inside an air-conditioned trailer park. Most of them utterly exhausted from festival after flight after festival. The hardest part is the waiting and the watching someone you care about on the brink of collapse, pulling themselves together because their job is to make a sea of strangers happy. That somehow when you haven’t any, the energy must be brought to a pounding pitch.
So you drink as much as you can find, smoke as much as you feel alright about missing a set
and try to find some sanity amongst it all.
Which is hugging your mates from different states and shores.
Getting silly with the sponsored marketing ploys and remembering to enjoy
what you came here for
the music (duh)
and the booty.
This entry was written by Events, Friends, Joey Ng, Los Angeles, Music and tagged & Other Stories, American Apparel, Cashmere Cat, DJ Slow, DJs, Hard, Hard Festival, Hard Summer, Hudson Mohawke, Magnus August Høiberg, Moschino, Nadus, Pelican Fly, Rahshon Bright, Ross Birchard, T. Williams, Tesfa Williams, Thomas Duval. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink., posted on August 11, 2015 at 9:09 am, filed under
How did you spend your America’s birthday?
Under the sun?
Giving zeros fucks?
Be an ass if you wanna?
and yer girls?
and plant a juicy one on ’em?
To the beat?
goes your weasel?
In her hair?
Laugh out loud?
‘Til you’re pooped?
Bask in the afterglow?
With someone you love?
By the dawn’s early light?
Or the rocket’s red glare?
Whatever you want, baby.
Cuz FREEDOM, THOUGH.
This entry was written by Babes, Events, Friends, Joey Ng, Los Angeles, Photos and tagged Adrian Rodriguez, American Apparel, Cotton Spandex Jersey Basic Bodysuit, Destinee Handly, George Lewis Jr., Independence Day, Naida Snake Wrap Ring, Regalrose, Silverlake. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink., posted on July 8, 2014 at 9:26 am, filed under
Leave it up to America to play a big ol’ game of SPORTS SPORTS SPORTS in the World Cup on Canada’s day.
But all’s fair in love and war
so come one, neck braces, wheelchairs, non-US citizens even, come all. All America asks is that you
and I mean
and even then, like many short-lived romances,
drunken, hungry, and wanting
until defeated and disposed. Just remember when you’ve lost. When your sunny day heart breaks, there’s always
HAPPY CANADA DAY
This entry was written by Events, Friends, Joey Ng, Los Angeles and tagged Acid Wash High-Waist Jean Cuff Short, American Apparel, Canada, Charlotte, DTLA, Flat Lattice Jelly Sandal, Geo Lace Bodysuit, Hollywood, Ilirjana Aлусхај, Jasmine Safaeian, Katherine Kwei, Littlefork, Nike, Nike LA, Sixth and Mill, USA, World Cup. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink., posted on July 2, 2014 at 9:37 am, filed under
Ok, only truths.
We should have stopped
When you leaned over to kiss me
I should have realised
I should have driven us off the PCH
and on to the edge
to the beach
and kissed you for real
I wanted to hold on to you
and let them Santa Ana winds
It would have been
But I kept my eyes on the road
and let you play
in my car
This entry was written by Joey Ng, Los Angeles, Love, Writing and tagged American Apparel, Barcelona Stripe, Malibu, Paradise Cove, Stripe Tricot High Cut One-Piece, Suede Circle Skirt. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink., posted on June 25, 2014 at 9:18 am, filed under
Sometimes it’s good to be in California.
It gives you space to breathe
and a lot of time in your car
to get used to being alone
with your thoughts
Are you happy?
Just to be alive?
What are you doing with your day?
And is it enough?
Are you afraid?
Are you in love?
N does he say the right thing
when you wake up in the morning?
Which is always
‘Let’s get you some food’
N if you had a little owl on your shoulder whispering words of wisdom in yer ear
would the owl be whispering
‘Yer doing juuuuust fine’
or would he be whispering
[All photos by Maxime Quoilin]
This entry was written by Friends, Joey Ng, Los Angeles, Photos and tagged American Apparel, Maxime Quoilin, Silverlake, Unisex Fisherman's Pullover, Venice. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink., posted on December 12, 2013 at 5:52 pm, filed under
Kathy, the superwoman/designer/hot mama behind Katherine Kwei Handbags invited Claire Geist and I over for one of the loveliest afternoons in her SoHo studio. We got a good look and guided tour of the Katherine Kwei Autumn/Winter 2013 line.
Can you believe she’s made two babies AND runs, designs, promotes her own luxury handbag company? There are a few women whose career-life balance I look up to, and Kathy is one of them. She manages to do it all with a great attitude and style cooler than I could ever possess. Posing with Claire who’s wearing the ‘Carrie’ pictured underneath in the snake print with paint splatter.
Actually obsessed. It looks too rad. Excuse my hurried and blurry photo of it – it doesn’t do it justice, I swear. The ‘Carrie’ works well as I’m an Amex plus iPhone kind of girl. Keep it efficient with this one.
Also mesmerized by the cobalt lizard. I love cobalt so much I would name a child after it. I naturally gravitated toward the smaller accessories, clutches, and wallets – plenty were introduced this season. Who was it that said the bigger the bag, the bigger the girl? Don’t lose yourself (or your keys) toting a hamper around town.
Mood board with lots of brights, neons, and metallics.
Kathy with one her line’s updated favourites, the Donna box clutch.
More from the perfect-for-a-night-out section. Lots of the traditional Chinese knotting that you see in her signature pieces meets edgy reptilian metallic sheen.
Would happily lug my laptop to work in this two-zip tote. Simple, the skin packs all the oooh into an outfit that you’ll need without the effort.
I went home with the cobalt lizard ‘Charlotte’ shoulder bag. Wanted something that would also fit my camera without being too cumbersome, the adjustable shoulder strap was key for a shawty like me. I haven’t used any other in my own bag collection since. Thanks again Kathy for the flowers, candy, and gifts! You’re too sweet!
This entry was written by Fashion, Joey Ng, New York, Photos and tagged Accessories, American Apparel, Claire Geist, Clutch, Floral Nylon Tricot Figure Skater Dress, Handbags, Katherine Kwei, Katherine Kwei Handbags, Lizard, Snake, Soho, Tote, Wallet. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink., posted on April 24, 2013 at 9:35 am, filed under
I am really lazy about getting dressed because who wants to wear any clothes ever, amirite? So since it hasn’t fully sprung into Spring in New York, I’ve opted for this cold weather uniform, varying only slightly from day to day.
Matte Lamé Zip Leggings: H&M
Studded Boots: Tony Bianco
This custom nameplate by my darling, Jake Andrew.
He created the first of its kind for me at a shorter length of 13 inches, with an adjustable clasp. NO GOOD cuz I ain’t any.
Get yours for $169 here or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Now let’s go win a war.
This entry was written by Fashion, Joey Ng, New York, Outfits, Photos and tagged Accessories, Acne, American Apparel, Bangle, Boots, Cartier, D & Q, Dirty Flaws, Drawn and Quartered, Endless Love, Fisherman Beanie, Fisherman's Pullover, H&M, Jake Andrew, Jake B, Jewellery, Jewelry, Leather, Leggings, Mape Petite Black Leather Jacket, Nadia Bailey, Nikki Moose, Nora Kogan, Proenza Schouler, PS1, Ring, Skulls, Soho, The Animal Orchestra, The Great Frog, The Unisex Super Sheer Circle Scarf, Todd Pendu, Tony Bianco, Wallet, Watch. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink., posted on March 11, 2013 at 1:46 pm, filed under
A Coca Cola is three dollars here
and an iced coffee is a coffee with ice cream
but you couldn’t find an
orange mocha frappuccino
even if you had
all the gold coins in the
And even though I miss
the love of my life, Albert Einstein,
the love of my nights,
I’m in no hurry to come home, baby,
cuz Mr. Ocean had it right
Why see the world,
when you’ve got the beach?
This entry was written by Australia, Joey Ng, Outfits, Photos and tagged American Apparel, Beach, Bondi, Nylon Tricot Criss-Cross Bikini Top, Nylon Tricot High-Waist Swim Brief, Rose garden, Sydney, Tamarama. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink., posted on February 7, 2013 at 9:02 am, filed under
I’m in Melbourne, avoiding you, and I’m too
busy non-plussed to blog (like ever).
Luckily for me, I’ve got New York’s prettiest young thing, Drex Drechsel, by my side.
I think at one point I said my New Year’s resolution was to be less cruel to the people I love.
Which, I’m pretty sure I’ve already broken.
I’m not a good person, you know that.
You love me anyway.
Keep it real.
This entry was written by Australia, Babes, Events, Friends, Joey Ng, Photos and tagged American Apparel, Australia, Drex, Drex Drechsel, Gloria V Bodysuit, Hotel, Kiki Li Ricci, Leather Tap Shorts, Melbourne, New Year's Eve, PYTNYC, Yew York. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink., posted on January 7, 2013 at 11:51 am, filed under