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All I Wanna Say Is It’ll Be Alright


One Revolution Around The Sun from MTV c/o Richard Turley on Vimeo.

I started wearing my wedding band again. To remind myself that I’m stronger than I feel. I recently interviewed Amy Jo Martin, who wore red nail polish every day for 5 years as a confidence trigger whenever she felt unworthy.

This is my wedding band. It’s an ouroboros. Eternal chaos and renewal. My physician told me that my life has been series of crises, one after the other. He referred me to a crisis therapist, but I never called. Because I never feel stressed or sad unless it involves a broken heart.

Otherwise, I’m stronger than I feel.

In our time of shiny happy social media feeds, I figured I’d try to review my year in earnest and show you all of the darker periods and how it’s ok. How I’m doing ok and whatever shit you’re going through – that too shall pass.

Joey Ng Lower East Side New York 2015

THE CRISES

Divorce

This was the year that my divorce was final. And although I haven’t spoken to Chris since I filed a restraining order against him, it marked a real sense of closure. I don’t talk about this often, as it is a particularly painful story – but it is over. The important lessons are to always put your personal safety first and never let a broken person, break you.

This was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to overcome, which is why I’ve chosen the ring as my talisman for courage.

My boss, the CEO of American Apparel, Dov Charney gets booted from the company he founded

This has been covered extensively in the news. And while it may be fun schadenfreude fodder for those who have participated in the culture of American Apparel in some way for the past decade, this had very real and difficult ramifications in my life.

While I had been living out of a suitcase since 2009, I was accustomed to the organised chaos and rhythm in which we ran the company. I’d written about my thoughts on this here. There was an extremely high level of uncertainty and instability.

When you’ve dedicated most of the waking hours of your adult life to working there as I had, it often feels like your career is all you have. Some malevolent force was fucking with the one constant, my every day, my foundation, my family.

Joey Ng Brooklyn Bridge New York April 2015

I was fired

After 7 years of tenure, I was fired from both of my positions at American Apparel as Marketing Director and Retail Director of our Australian subsidiary. Under new management and within 2 weeks of a new supervisor – I encountered hostile bullying and discrimination, filed an HR complaint, 48 hours later I was out of a job, my US work visa, and $40,000 worth of unpaid bonuses.

This didn’t stop them from taking credit for positive work that myself and my colleagues were responsible for, after throwing us out the door.

American Apparel has filed for bankruptcy which make my shares worthless and legal claims effectively frozen. But bad situations give us the best ideas, my views changed in ways I never thought they would.

When cash is scarce, you figure out what your life essentials are. In things, in people, in beliefs. This means that I no longer put up with a lot of bullshit out of loyalty, obligation, or mercenary reasons.

albertlaptop960

My dog died

Miss you, Albert Einstein. You were a great physicist.

THE CURES

Now, remember how I said it’ll be alright? I had a destabilising year, but the pros always outweighed the cons and I thank Based God for the generosity of all the people in my life. Here’s what kept me afloat.

Great Sex

Incredible sex will change your life. Let’s not discredit how something so basic can alter your entire mood. I thought I was doing alright in this arena until I was dumbfounded by a specific experience. I asked my partner at the time how he became the best I’d ever had. For someone who never says much, his response was sweet and profound.

“It’s not me, it’s us. It’s about two people connecting, and we’re just very connected.”

Imagine going your entire life having never been vulnerable enough to share that kind of connection with someone.

Sometimes you have to love like you have nothing to lose.
And who knows? Your entire universe might expand in a moment of surrender.

kiaralenasusiemarieillythinatiffany

Female Friends

No relationship is stronger than that of a female bond. I wholeheartedly believe this. I just broke up with someone I really, really, really liked. For every time I’ve been in a tailspin, the unconditional support and humour from my friends and sisters have always brought me back to some semblance of sanity.

Women confide in each other and listen, really listen and care. It’s a type of intimacy that may never be achieved through romantic relationships. For romance to work, there has to be some suspension of belief and female friendships are as real as they get. Ugly cries, guilty admissions, secret slobby behaviours, and mental hospitalization levels of cray are all safe territory in the context of BFFs.

Love you, bitches.

DJ Slow Joey Ng Paris October 2015

Home

I’d never been to Europe before, and this year I made it a priority to get to Paris. It wasn’t all that.

My favourite moments were centered on one-on-one time spent in my air bnb with some very special dear-to-my-heart dudes.

Hot showers shared, home made breakfasts, listening to lesser-known Bieber tracks. It made me miss home.
Home being a person, and not a place.

Here’s to you, my people.

Happy New Year.
With love,

your girl.

This entry was written by Joey, posted on December 31, 2015 at 5:09 pm, filed under Friends, Joey Ng, Los Angeles, Love, New York, Sex, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

How do you measure a year?

In new friends?

Ilirjana Alushaj, Los Angeles 2014Tiffany Tyson, Cashmere Cat, Joey Ng, Annabel Ly, Echoplex, Los Angeles, February 2014Ryan Hemsworth Marcel the Dog Los Angeles, February 2014
Breakfast with Lee Bannon, Brooklyn 20142nd Ave Deli with Geng Grizzly
Lena Vanderford, Marie McNally, Dione Davis, Chelsea Claridge, Adidas Stan Smith Event, New York 2014Sam Tiba, Los Angeles 2014Zohra O'Doherty, Los Angeles 2014

In no new friends?

Joey Ng, Leanne Hebert-Nguyen, Los Angeles 2014Canadian ThanksgivingKiara Sayer Albert Einstein Los Angeles 2014
Mallory Blair, Marnie The Dog, Joey Ng, Brooklyn 2014Twerking in Little TokyoCory Wong, Avery Ross, Pete Luger's Steakhouse New York 2014
Joey Ng Meredith Cheesbrough New York 2014Joey Ng Susie Gertner ID MagazineIMG_0050

In famous?

Four Tet's Only FavouriteMetta World Peace Joey Ng Is My BossBruce Venture Good Dick Will Imprison You

In family?

IMG_6674Joey and ReeseAlbert Einstein
Processed with VSCOcam with hb1 presetIMG_7288Albert Einstein We Did It CrewIMG_7509Bogey and Gail JongDov Charney Marcel

In separables?

Dj Slow Joey Ng New York 2014

In selfies?

Joey Ng New York 2014Joey Ng Albert Einstein Los Angeles 2014Joey Ng New York 2014
Joey Ng New York 2014Joey Ng New York 2014Joey Ng New York 2014
Joey Ng New York 2014Joey Ng New York 2014Joey Ng New York 2014

In Drake?

In 808s and heartbreak?

Ross Birchard / Hudson Mohawke, Toronto, July 2014

Or where the path may take?

Happy New Year.
With love,

your girl.

This entry was written by Joey, posted on December 31, 2014 at 5:05 pm, filed under Babes, Friends, Joey Ng, Los Angeles, New York, Photos, Toronto and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Red glare

How did you spend your America’s birthday?

Under the sun?

Giving zeros fucks?

Be an ass if you wanna?

Drinkin’? Watermelon?

Wit’cher boys?

and yer girls?

Pucker up

and plant a juicy one on ’em?

Pound it?

To the beat?

Then POP!

goes your weasel?

In her hair?

Laugh out loud?

‘Til you’re pooped?

Bask in the afterglow?

With someone you love?

By the dawn’s early light?

Or the rocket’s red glare?

Whatever you want, baby.
Cuz FREEDOM, THOUGH.

Featured in this post:
Destinee Handly
George Lewis Jr.
Adrian Rodriguez‘s backyard

This entry was written by Joey, posted on July 8, 2014 at 9:26 am, filed under Babes, Events, Friends, Joey Ng, Los Angeles, Photos and tagged , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Over Easy

It’s been a while since I’ve done a food round up of my favourite breakfast product, the egg.

1. Kokuho Rose Brown Rice Bowl. Sqirl, Los Angeles, California
2. Eggs Benedict. Ordered In By Him, Malibu, California
3. Black Truffle Deviled Eggs. Ghetto Gastro, Long Island City, New York
4. Kewpie Mayo Deviled Eggs. Homemade By Me, Manhattan, New York
5. Poached Eggs, Grilled Lemon, Haloumi, Asparagus. Homemade By Me, Los Angeles, California
6. Sicilian Baked Eggs. The Smith, Manhattan, New York
7. Campfire Breakfast. Big Crow, Toronto, Ontario
8. Udon Carbonara. Marugame Monzo, Los Angeles, California
9. Egg White Omelette, Heirloom Tomatoes, Avocado. Homemade By Me, Los Angeles, California

Missing: every time I’ve ordered just plain egss and bacon. Eggs, over easy.

If you’re hungry for a good time tonight, though, please join me at Over Easy LA.

Good friends Ibe Soliman and Colta will be serving up hot tunes.


This entry was written by Joey, posted on June 26, 2014 at 3:01 pm, filed under Events, Food, Los Angeles, New York, Toronto and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

RN

Sometimes it’s good to be in California.

It gives you space to breathe

and a lot of time in your car
to get used to being alone
with your thoughts

Are you happy?
Just to be alive?
What are you doing with your day?
And is it enough?

Are you afraid?

Are you in love?
N does he say the right thing
when you wake up in the morning?

Which is always
‘Let’s get you some food’

N if you had a little owl on your shoulder whispering words of wisdom in yer ear
would the owl be whispering
‘Yer doing juuuuust fine’
or would he be whispering
‘It’s time…’

[All photos by Maxime Quoilin]

This entry was written by Joey, posted on December 12, 2013 at 5:52 pm, filed under Friends, Joey Ng, Los Angeles, Photos and tagged , , , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Ain’t no sunshine when

This is precisely how I feel about being in Los Angeles right now.

I’ve always felt like home was a person and not a place.
I feel so homesick. Homeless, rather, more than ever.

I want to say that I’m trapped, here, in my transience.
I want to say many more things, to explain. I don’t have the wherewithal.

Bianca wrote me this morning. The subject was simply “<3". Another reminder that everyone who cares for me lives in New York, or Berlin, or Toronto. A few days ago, her company, Small Girls PR, had sent me a pair of Tortoise & Blonde sunglasses.

They arrived precisely on a day when I had been crying steadily. I needed these glasses. Thank you.

She suggested that I elaborate on the motto inscribed in the case “ONE Today. ANOTHER Tomorrow.” I think I’m supposed to write about babes and adventures and how life goes on. How I could have one of each of the aforementioned today, and another tomorrow.

But I can’t. I haven’t decided what it is I could say that would make things better or whether they’d be worse.
I’m afraid that I may have already said enough of the wrong things, rendering irreparable.
I’ll let my new Sunset shades tell you how I feel –

black and blue.

For now, I just want to take each day as it comes. One today, another tomorrow.

This entry was written by Joey, posted on May 25, 2012 at 1:19 pm, filed under Fashion, Friends, Joey Ng, Los Angeles, Love, Photos, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Young hearts

You can basically measure how much I love you by:

1) how tall above 6 feet you stand and
2) how many photos I take of you

Sam is/has plenty of both – through virtually no contribution of her own except being born’d this way – so I must really love her.

Here she is being forced to stand tall in front of things while I take photos of her.

Here she is being forced to stand tall in front of things with me while photos are taken of her.

I love you a lot, Spock.


This entry was written by Joey, posted on May 18, 2012 at 2:21 pm, filed under Babes, Friends, Joey Ng, Los Angeles, Love, Photos and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Things I’ve learned from the death of a loved one

I’ve had this post in my drafts folder for about a month. I guess it’s never going to feel right, so I’ll post it now.
———-

Let’s be honest here. And by ‘let’s’, I can only mean me. I am sad. It comes and goes, and it comes less often than it did but when it does, it’s no less heartbreaking.

I want to talk about our last conversation.
I want to talk about every single memory.
But not quite, in its entirety. At least not yet.

I took a shower this morning, I cried in the shower. I started making a list of things I felt I had learned from feeling pretty fucked up in the past few weeks.

P.S. It’s for me, mostly.

1. Fall in love. A lot.

I don’t have a lot of time. With people. In one place.
It comes with the territory of not having had a home address in years. So people often wonder how much you can possibly love a person in mere months or weeks or days.

Have you ever had a moment?
When your world started to shift
revolve around a person.

I probably fell in love with Richard by the third night I had spent any time with him. We were on his red velvet couch. He lay a mass of ginger curls on my chest. Just for a second, maybe seventeen of them. And I knew I’d always have an immensely, intensely, emotional reaction to whatever it was that he would ever do did. We didn’t have a lot of time. I couldn’t have loved him any later or less. I would not have forsaken it for anything.

So fall in love. Whole-heartedly and as often as you’d like. Even just for the 20 minutes it takes to lie on the driveway in front of a McDonald’s to make out with someone you’ve just met. I have. And it was great.

2. Write it down. Especially if it’s important, even when it’s difficult.

A few weeks before Richard died, I found out he had written me a letter. He said it was probably best that it was at the bottom of his car getting wetter by the day. I don’t have that letter. I wish I did, and if there is any way I could read what he had wanted to say to me regardless of its contents and sentiments, I would.

I read his journals when we last played house. I tell people this was an asshole thing I did but really it’s the kind of thing I would do unapologetically. If I can learn something –anything– more about a person I care about, I will.

Some of it was unsettling, but mostly amusing. It was all important. It was important for me to know his thoughts – whether mundane, dark, or genius alike. It’s important to me that I knew him.

I also wrote a lot about him. I adored him at times and hated him at others. The way we related, he called it ‘tumultuous’. And in these whiskey encouraged extremes, I wrote. I’ve read them over and over. To remember.

Write it all down – one day you may want to remember it, too.

3. Know what you want. Deliver others what they want.

In my last hour with Richard, I had ordered a cup of tomato soup, a side of potato salad, and a side of arugula salad with shaved parmesan. Then the server asked if I wanted to get a combo of 3 sides. The list of permitted options in his proposed combo contained none of the things I had originally ordered so I said “No, thank you” with a look. A look that said “No, thank you. You idiot.”

Dick laughed. “This guy obviously doesn’t know you. You of all people know exactly what you want.”

He was right. I’m not very compromising. I know what I want, and I fight to get it. Sometimes that didn’t help our cause, but it was what I wanted. Y’see Richard dumped me years ago because I had to travel with my job and he wanted a stable, local girlfriend. I’m very grateful and happy with where I am even if it meant letting go of potentially wonderful relationships because that’s what felt right at the time.

I love my job, the city, and the people I surround myself with. He fell in love the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen and they made art and love and a home while it lasted.

I think we both found what we needed, afterall.

4. Keep the ones you love in your life.

It was months before we spoke again. Richard had ended things with me over BBM and I had the drunkest night of my life. I deleted him out of my phone, and blocked him on facebook. Four months had passed. He called. Ever the sweetheart, of course he’d be the first to reach out.

We became friends again and infrequently lovers. We kept each other updated, but mostly each other in check. I was dismissive a lot of the time. I’m sorry, Richard. I hope you know I care.

I found out that he had died through a friend of a friend’s facebook status.

It sounds so fucking stupid but I hated myself for blocking him on facebook. Over the years, he thought it was funny and we made a pact not to pry in each other’s social media profiles. But it seemed so overwhelmingly important to be able to see photos of him. All the hilariously ridiculous updates that I had missed. Every heartfelt message left from our grieving friends.

But then I remembered that’s what he had wanted. For us to share what we had to share between us when we could – in person, by phone, or text. A personal connection. At least I had that. All of our memories. And I can’t imagine how much worse I would feel if he’d never been a part of my life again.

It may be hard at times, nor the best idea at others but eventually, reach out and keep the ones you love in your life. Don’t be cruel. You don’t want to regret losing someone for good.

Richard, you said you had a dream that I’d told you I wished I’d never have met you. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Every day I wish you were still here. At bus stops, in elevators, every street corner of downtown LA, I think of you. I miss you. You are loved so dearly.

Later, Ginger.

This entry was written by Joey, posted on March 4, 2012 at 9:26 pm, filed under Friends, Los Angeles, Love, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Cha Cha

Every introduction back to the California Republic includes stopping at the Cha Cha lounge.

Extra special with Trudy Patootie in town.

Had a drink for Ms. Whitney Houston, her voice on every speaker in the city.

Straight up Los Angelena, Candy girl.

Fiesta fiesta.

Good to be back with these bubbly young things from El-Ay, homes!

This entry was written by Joey, posted on February 12, 2012 at 2:51 am, filed under Friends, Joey Ng, Los Angeles and tagged , , , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

Silver Lake Sprinkle

After brunch, Tony said “Wanna go to a meadow party?” and I was like “Yea!”
So we bought a bottle of $15 wine even though the liquor store clerk really wanted us to buy the $150 bottle.
Stopped to take a few snaps of my princess petticoat.

Life is just better when you try to dress like a toddlers and tiaras toddler.

First time at Silver Lake meadow. Plenty of pretty hipsters on their pinic blankets with their precious babies (OMG babies).

Always carry a wine opener – advice an alcoholic would give.

Thank you fancy lens for giving me legs.

Thank you Marc Jacobs for the extra few inches, too.

Finally got to meet Sophia. Her and her boyfriend are the cutest and they live so close why aren’t we all best friends yet hi call me I will be pestering you on facebook hey whatcha doing for dinner wanna eat how about a drink hi hello do you know any babes?

SPRINKLES ON TOAST. SPRINKLES on errthang it’s Summer who cares?

The group kept growing and growing which meant more treats and more good cheer. Why don’t we do this everyday?

Then Tony bought me a flower from a girl selling them from the middle of the road, she was doing it to stay with her man. Her man carrying a cardboard sign. Anything helps. So I helped by putting it in my hair and gave my last princess’ decree of the day which was get Chinese food at Sam Woo.

Chicken, roast pork, roast duck, and garlic sautéed snow pea leaves.

Woot!

This entry was written by Joey, posted on August 31, 2011 at 9:00 am, filed under Food, Friends, Joey Ng, Los Angeles, Outfits, Photos and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink.

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